SELF DESTRUCTION

Is it an obsession or is it love?
you open your eyes,
you do things for love,
and until that point it is fine.

However, suddenly, you find you enjoy when they hurt you
you love when them use you
you want them to kick you
and you feel joyfull by being kicked.

These weeks I have met another side of me,
or maybe it was already there ,
another type of self lysis,
the one that kills even the immortals,
the one that could even destroy God.

I can't stop watching his photographs,
reading his comments,
watching her and how superior she is,
laughing about her insecurities.
Respecting her for being who she is,
envying her cause she can do the one thing I can not do
LIVE

The only way I found to love, was letting go
no matter in how many pieces I tear myself ,
no matter how much it hurts
I need to know he is alright
that he is happy
and that he achieves what he wants

It must be an obssession the fact I can not stop thinking about him..
Love... I don't know if it was real
I do not know if my definition of love is a true love one
but I would give it all to watch him smile again.